20100816

how a friend can make you cry

ehm ehm =)

SELAMAT MENYAMBUT RAMADHAN AL-MUBARAK :D

tadi berbuka puasa dengan Afifah + Safwan
jealous jek tengok diorang
ish ish ish :P

anyway
lepas berbuka gi bilik fifah dan bergosip pelbagai
dari A ke B ke C ke D
sampai satu tahap
i cried
ehm..how easy a friend can make me cry
tanpa sedar masa bercerita tu, tercerita something yang jauh kat lubuk hati lah kononnya
tak pernah cakap kat orang laen kuat-kuat
sebab tu macam sedih sikit
bukan sikit, banyak sampai mengalirlaa jugak air mata
jadi, Afifah Azmi, anda bertanggungjawab atas air mata saya hari ini,oke? :)
thanks by the way
sebab dengar aku membebel2 sambil bace probability :P
and thankyou for makin' me realize thingSS i never realize before


another great news
my best friend
MAHIRAH DURALIM
will fly to manipal and do her MBBS there
alhamdulillah =)
you got what you want
therefore congratsssssssssssssss!!! :) and tak boleh maen maen sangat tau?

okay
tu je
esok pbl
signing out :D

20100813

rindu

finally
after 8 days
dapat berborak dengan amin
even for a short 10 mins on skype
yang wireless kat china macam tak berapa kuat so, banyak putus putus
tapi at least i get to listen to him

RINDU!

20100812

semangat anatomy




semangat sebab baru habes belajar osteology of the skull :D
first lecture note yang bace sampai habes untuk module CNS

ade 22 bones kat skull
8 cranial bones- frontal,parietal,occipital,temporal,sphenoid,ethmoid
14 facial bones- nasal,maxillae,mandible,zygomatic,lacrimal,vomer, inferior nasal conchae & palatines

bawak tu je dalam kepala untuk esuk punye practical buley tak?

20100811

hey soul sister =)

"kenapa awak degil sangat?"
hari hari duk fikir benda ni
tolong lah jangan degil sangat

hey :)

kawan - kawan

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan.
Semoga Ramadhan kali ini lebih bermakna daripaa Ramadhan-Ramadhan sebelum ini =)

Kepada Encik Amin: Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa di negara China =)
waaa..seronoknya dia pergi China..jeles jeles jeles..ish ish ish

20100804

the ugly truth

i'm a SUPER DUPER messed up girl
who always messes things
and finally feel embarassed of what i've done

i'm a SUPER DUPER lame girl
who says things without even thinking
then realise
"how lame i sounded"

i'm a SUPER DUPER *overthinking* girl
who always thinks more than i should
and by overthinking
i meant in negative way
fikir bukan-bukan


i'm SUPER DUPER expressive girl
that i cannot feel hurt
without letting people know
i need to talk
i feel the need to tell people how i feel
but then of course
i`m SUPER DUPER lame
which then makes me feel lame by being expressive

i'm SUPER DUPER *ikut norma* girl
this one i have to explain panjang sikit
-_______-"
its like this

situasi A :
hari hari seorang kawan, B , akan senyum pada saya ketika berjumpa di toilet pada waktu pagi.tibe-tibe satu pagi, die tak senyum.otak saya akan puas memikirkan apa saya buat salah instead of menerima mungkin pagi tu die ngantuk sgt sbb stay up smpi tak mampu senyum. dan sampai lah kawan saya, B, berbual macam biasa.entah kenapa,hati saya jadi lega sangat and baru boleh cakap "oh, aku fikir bukan bukan sebenrnye"

situasi B:
hari hari dapat message goodmorning and goodnight. tibe tibe satu hari tak dapat.my otak will trus fikir "okay,maybe dah taknak message kot" then mulelah tersend message ade ala-ala touching di situ.pastu dah send, menyesal.bende, takde ape2 pun sebenarnye.tapi disebabkan my mind yang terlalu laju *refer overthinking statement* , maka i will sound tah pape and lame.-_-"

situasi C:
saya kawan dengan R. kawan saya pun kawan dengan R. dulu R cerita ape2 pun kat sy.tbe tbe die baek dengan kawan sy and cerite semua kat kawan saya. being used to norm and such an expressive girl, saya pun akan terasa tak diperlukan.dan of course lah, sy akan ckp kat R, tapi bukan kat kawan saya sebb my subtext/inner self/subconcious mind tahu apelah salahnye R tu kawan dgn kawan saya.saya tak kesah pun.tapi macam kene cakap gak tak puas hati tu.so, saya pun cakap kat R, R cakap kat kawan saya.kawan saya terasa dengan saya.therefore, saya akan menyesal being so expressive*especially when it is not needed*

-enough situations(there's a lot more!)-

i'm a SUPER DUPER kuat memori girl
macam contohnye, sepuluh tahun dulu, ade orang kate saya ni poyo
in deep of my mind
sampai harini, saya rase saya poyo
don't plant something in my mind if you dun mean it
cause seriously, i take that words seriously eventhough how many times you said you are only joking
i can't ignore what people say.i wish i could. :(
another thing
i could remember things i did wrong in past and try to "what if" every each possibilities in my head every single day
especially when i did wrong to someone i don't want to hurt their feelings
rasa bersalah tu takkan hilang samapi ages
and still i feel bad
its like a part of me dah kena tarik
its empty
i can put up strong face and jadi normal but i won't feel normal at all
sebab i cannot get rid of rase bersalah
*but this usually restricted to my closest friends*

and i am a SUPER DUPER self cautious about myself
hari hari i feel like i dun live up to people expectations
and i am not good enough to stand where i am today

therefore, i'm a SUPER DUPER messed up girl who lives by my thinking
i've tried to change tapi bab minda, mane bley tukar sgt pun
saya kena jadi LESS expressive and of course LESS overthinking
sometimes it hurts me more than it hurts anyone else
and kadang kadang being me hurts my people who i really really appreciate and loved sooo much more than it hurts me
yang tu yang saya cube nak elakkan

maka
to friends who may see, experience, encounter me
in these awkward, lame, overthinking, expressive, ikut norma, messed up girl
i am terribly sorry
and to the person which our relationship become dented because of my messedup-ness
i am really really really sorry
i wish i could put our relationship in hot boiled water and let it back to its shape as the pingpong ball :(

the conclusion is
i found the reason why i find myself sleeping in every lectures
because my mind is too busy thinking and exaggerating stuffs
dear beloved brain
please stop thinking way too much :)

p/s: the reason why i always says, "don't let me get used to you" is the ikut norm thingy. i dun want to be used to things as it may keep me attached to that one thing.

p/p/s or p/s/s: the person who sticks with me eventhough i am a freak in my own way are the ones who i highly appreciate and lovedd!.best friends, sisters, families and friends :)
not to forget encik amin bin zaini <3

20100802

:)

YEAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
cuti seminggu

i knoe, i knoe
baru sebulan masuk
apecer dah holiday?
nak wat cane
faculty dah bagi cuti mid kepada midsem
boleh? :)

anyway
setiap kali ade orang tanye
"kenapa korang cuti lak?"
saya menjawab
"sebab fac kitorang cool"

tapi
personally
i think this is not a holiday
this is a brilliant plan by the lecturers
to help us ready
dalam menghadapi next "MORE THAT TWO MONTHS" punye module
Central Nervous System

honestly, sekarang saya sudah nervous
-_______-"

next thing next
i had an AWESOMEEEE weekend :)

hari sabtu i went for Acting Saved My Life
and ade 2 speakers
ASHRAF SINCLAIR
*OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG*
and
Zahiril Azim, the one yg drug dealer in Kami series tu

from this course
i learnt to say out loud how i feel
and
set a goal
to really
Relax, Focus and Action
to stand and meet new people
and act like we've known for ages

by the way
thanks to Sazzy Falak
who take over after lunch session for a while
playing pretending
*which mase tu ashraf hug my shoulders.i nearly fainted.*

so, sape sape yang bace status
HOLD ME.I THINK I MAY BE FALLING FOR HIM.
you'll know who i was talking about
its ashraf sinclair
he is sooo gorgeous
saya jatuh cinta sama suami Bunga Cinta Lestari
-_________-

okay
stop salivating for ashraf
kita harus berpijak pada bumi nyata
well, the course was EXTREMELY beyond my expectation
and FUNNN tooo
cume macam rush sikit tyme zahiril azim
tapi it is very very very interesting
i can assure you
its a great experience :)

therefore, sebab terlalu teruja
saya telah mendaftarkan diri for another workshop
that is public speaking workshop
with JJ Hitz.FM
on january
i think it'll be fantastically interesting

i wanted to join Que, Lights, Action jugakk
tapi terlupa pulak nak sign up

I think acting workshops work for everyone
not only actors-wannabe
memetik kata kata ashraf
"Every each of us are acting in our own way on our own stage"

I AM STRONG-WILLED
:)